Another weird class for another weird day.
GLOG Class: the Sword-Swallower
A: Steel Rations, Nature's Scabbard
B: Sword Spitting, Vise Jaw
C: Internal Identification, For Breakfast
D: Flexible Esophagus. Stomach Forge
Starting skills [1d3]: 1 = Circus Freak; 2 = Infernal Tapeworm; 3 = Mind-Over-Metal Monk
Starting equipment: a greatsword, a longsword, a shortsword, a dagger, and an extra 1d20 silver pieces (from street performances).
You gain +1 to-hit with swords, and sword-related weapons, per template.
"Sword-related weapons" include more or less all edged weapons that have a hilt smaller than the blade: swords, knives, daggers, cutlasses, rapiers, and so on, but not axes, glaives, or shurikens. From here on out, any time a template perk mentions a sword, just assume it also says "and sword-related weapons."
(A) Steel Rations
You can eat swords as if they were food. One longsword is enough to sustain you for about a day.
(A) Nature's Scabbard
You can swallow one entire sword as an action, and keep it just beneath your gullet. While you have a sword swallowed, you can still walk, talk, eat, sleep, breathe, and otherwise function normally.
If anyone tries to snap your neck while you have a sword swallowed, like in the twisty-assassin way or through hanging, they won't be able to. While you have a sword swallowed, you set off metal detectors, and can be pulled with very strong magnets.
Later, as an action, you can draw the sword from your gullet. At any given time, you can only have [template] number of swords swallowed.
(B) Sword Spitting
As an attack (with a sword, remember your +1 to-hit bonuses), you can spit a sword you have swallowed at a target within 30 feet, or up to 60 feet if you take disadvantage on the attack roll.
(B) Vise Jaw
When you are attacked with a sword, you can make a save (probably STR or DEX, but figure out what fits in-context) to catch the sword in your teeth. This 1) causes the attack to miss and deal no damage, and 2) deprives the enemy of their sword, as you wrench it out of their hands.
(C) Internal Identification
If you have a magical sword swallowed for at least an hour, you learn all of its effects, curses, features, and other magic properties.
(C) For Breakfast
If you visibly swallow (or eat) a foe's sword in front of them, they must immediately make a Morale check. If their sword was particularly large, fancy, or important, they do so with disadvantage (or -2ish if you're on a 2d6 table, or whatever fits).
(D) Flexible Esophagus
You can now swallow and draw any item that has the same general size and shape as a sword. This includes (but isn't limited to): javelins, wands, large keys, rods, harpoons, ladles, and long strings of coins.
(D) Stomach Forge
When you have swallowed two or more magic swords for at least a day, you can use your stomach acids to combine their magic and fuse the blades together. When you next draw the sword, there is only one sword with the properties of both magic weapons.
For example, if you swallow a magic sword that gains +3 against undead and a magic sword that deals 1d6 fire damage, when you combine them, you will have a sword that deals 1d6 fire damage and gains +3 against undead.
Keeping any sword (magical or otherwise) swallowed for at least a day cleans it, sharpens it, and buffs out any notches or nicks.
As always, totally untested. Let me know how it goes.
This class is also gay, or at least bi. Can't be named what it is and not be, lmao.