GLOG Class: Broken Bones McGee

I'm having a weird day, so I wrote a weird class.

c/w for gore, cannibalism, self-harm (but not in a depression-y way)

GLOG Class: Broken Bones McGee

A: Regeneration, HP is Meat
B: Autocannibalism, Osseobellius
C: Ooze Form, Carapace
D: Telekinetic Bones

Background [1d3] - 1: Blessed and/or cursed; 2: cancelled military "super soldier" experiment; 3: one-wish-recipient gone wrong

You are not trained in the use of any weapons or armor. You gain +3 HP per template.

(A) Regeneration
Your bones, organs, flesh, and other body parts will regenerate, at a rate of 1 HP per hour. If you reach 0HP, you don't die—instead, you go unconscious and start taking negative damage. There is no upper cap on the amount of negative damage you can take (so if somebody really beats you to a pulp, you might be out for quite a while).

You can only be killed by the following things:

• Drowning / asphyxiation
• Dissolving in acid or lava
• Being stabbed in the heart with a blade forged of dragonbone (or stabbed in the heart by an actual dragon)
• Having your body broken into at least 12 pieces, and then each piece being brought at least a mile from every other piece
• Soul-related shenanigans; your killing words and ancient curses and all

While regenerating, the largest bone of your extant body starts to grow to replace lost sinew and internal organs and such, and all the other extant bones worm their way back to that chunk. As soon as you reach 1HP or higher, you regain consciousness. 

Your brain will always remain conscious the longest; body parts cannot operate if not connected to the brain. If your brain is destroyed but the rest of your body somehow isn't, you fall unconscious until it regenerates.

(A) HP is Meat

Every time you take any damage, roll 1d4 and add the damage taken (this chart is very general since it accounts for all damage types—get more specific based on the source of the damage):

1. You have a large visible wound on your torso.
2. You lose 1d4 fingers.
3. You lose your nose.
4. You lose an ear.
5. One of your knees is non-functional.
6. One of your elbows is non-functional.
7. You lose an eye.
8. You lose your tongue, or otherwise the ability to speak.
9. You lose your scalp and hair.
10. You lose a foot.
11. You lose a hand.
12. You lose a leg.
13. You lose an arm.
14. You lose your entire lower half, from the waist down.
15. (or higher) You lose your head.

These results don't cause any additional damage, just unpleasantness. Ordinary adventures might treat HP more like grit or composure or luck, but for you, it's all just meat.

(B) Autocannibalism

You can suffer 1d6 damage (roll on HP is Meat to figure out what they're getting) to provide enough of your own human meat to feed one person. If it's something small, like an eyeball, assume that the horror of eating another, still-living human is enough to satiate whatever hunger pangs they might otherwise be suffering.

(B) Osseobellius

You know how to carve weapons from bone, and can wield bone-weapons made from your own bones.

You can deal 1d4 damage to yourself (roll on HP is Meat!) to remove some bit of bone from yourself, and then spend an hour carving it into a weapon. Alternatively, you can deal 1d8 damage to yourself (roll on HP is Meat!) to get a jagged or large piece of bone that can be used as a weapon immediately.

(C) Ooze Form

Even if your bones and muscle are broken, you can still control the associated body parts with as much vigor and finesse as if they were still intact. For example, your arm could be entirely flattened and broken in a dozen places, but you could still control it—but now it's bendy!

Naturally, this means that if you're willing to break lots and lots of bones, you can fit into (or out of) almost any given small space.

(C) Carapace 

You know to carve armor from bone, and can wear bone-armor made from your own bones.

Bone-armor, unlike regular armor, does not add to your AC. Instead, it adds extra HP; when you suffer damage to this extra HP, do not roll on HP is Meat.

You can deal 1d4 damage to yourself (roll on HP is Meat!) and then spend 1 hour carving to get 1 HP's worth of bonus-armor. 

(D) Telekinetic Bones

Body parts that have bones attached (so limbs, skulls, and ribs are good, but a tongue or kidney isn't) do not need to be connected to your brain to operate. You still control them, so they aren't truly independent, and bear in mind that a severed hand can't see, but otherwise your bits are free to roam. 

When you go unconscious, they'll worm their way back to the biggest bone, as normal. 

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Like I said, I'm having a weird day. Don't try to multiclass.