Friday, August 28, 2020

GLOG Class: Gun Priest

"...but Samuel Colt made them equal."

GLOG Class: the Gun Priest

A: Ordained, Gunslinger, Holy Books
B: Blessings on this House, Set Those Sinners Free
C: Arbiter, Confessor's Gaze
D: Anointing Ritual, Wrestle with G_d

Starting skill [1d3]: 1 = Janissary chaplain; 2 = Wandering folk hero; 3 = Professional gambler

Starting equipment: a copy of the Book, a vial of anointing oil, a long coat, a priest's shirt & collar, and a gun. 

Per template, you get +1 to-hit with guns, and +1 save when your immortal soul is concerned.

You are trained in firing, maintaining, and repairing guns. You can read and write well, both in the vernacular and in whatever the Book is written in (usually Latin). 

(A) Ordained
You're a priest, and everyone knows it. You can wed couples, give the dead their last rites, bless newborns, administer rituals, hear confessions, create holy water or oil, open and close feast days, and pronounce religious judgement. 

If you're lost on the road, people will likely house and feed you for a night, and then give you directions the next morning. People will actively look to you for advice and counsel, and will usually listen when you offer it.

Most of the time, this just works; both the law and common people recognize you as a priest, so it's rare to get many questions. If there's a question or risk involved in your priestly duties—say, counselling a young couple to not get married too early, or declaring a much-loved townsperson to be a sinner—you have a 3-in-6 chances of success, which increases by +1-in-6 per additional template.

This also means that unless you take specific measures otherwise, pretty much everyone (like, say, a heretical Inquisition, or a demon in disguise) will spot you as a priest instantaneously.

(A) Gunslinger
If you stick your gun in a person's face, they immediately make a saving throw (probably CHA, but it depends). If they fail the save, either: 
  • A) they have to do what you say, or 
  • B) you blow their brains out and they die. 
If they succeed, they keep their nerve enough to stare you down in turn, or at least get out of the way.

If you quote a verse from the Book by memory while you do it, they suffer -[templates] to the saving throw. 

Note this is only for a person—this won't work on, say, a ghost, or a giant spider, and it definitely won't work on a dragon.

(A) Holy Books
Every template, you learn one of the randomly-chosen Holy Books contained within the Book itself. This provides some benefit on its own, but it also means that if you're ever in a theological debate that concerns, that Holy Book, you have a significant advantage.

If you roll a duplicate, choose the Book above or below it.

(B) Blessings on this House
You can bless a house, which is broadly defined as anywhere people live: a literal house, a monastery, a long-term campsite, a narrowboat, whatever it may be—people just have to live there. To bless a house, you must have been treated well by the people who live there, and have spent at least one night in the house.

When you bless a house, make a save (probably CHA or WIS). Whether you succeed or fail, the house gains one randomly-determined benefit:
  1. Something lost (a key, a lamb, a sack of coins, a family member) will return to the house in the next three days.
  2. Some kind of pest in or around the house (rats, roaches, fleas, a virus, extortionist taxmen) will be removed from the house, and not return for a year and a day.
  3. For the next month, the people of the house will have enough to eat. It might not be a lot, and it might not be free, and it might not be tasty, but no one will go hungry.
  4. For the next month, any natural-caused structural damage to the house is averted. This means wind, rain, wildfire, rot, and snowstorms won't cause the roof to cave in or the walls to blow down—but it won't stop axes or arson.
  5. One long-term conflict that has been affecting the house (a rivalry, a feud, a divorce) will resolve within the next month—peacefully-ish—and then not resume for a year and a day.
  6. One secret that has been hidden in or around the house will be revealed in the next three days.
If you failed the save, the house also gains one randomly-determined detraction:
  1. Someone in the house will get sick or hurt; it won't kill them, but it might well leave permanent damage.
  2. The house's well, stream, or other water source will run filthy for a week. It'll come back clean after that, but it might be a hard week.
  3. Children and animals will fear and avoid the house for a month. They'll go inside their parents really force them, but will scream and cry the whole time.
  4. A foul stench, like sulfur and urine, will pervade the whole house for a week. Doesn't matter how much perfume you spray or pastries you bake, it'll stay around.
  5. For a month, anyone who sleeps in the house will have recurring, contiguous nightmares. It'll start one night, end when you wake up, and then continue.
  6. Within three days, a strange, panicked, person covered in blood speaking an unknown language will arrive at the house, desperate for help—but with what?
Maybe you, the Gun Priest, roll this (so know what you're getting), but maybe the GM rolls (and so you don't).

(B) Set Those Sinners Free
If you know a person or creature to be sinner, you can inscribe a bullet with their name (their true name) and their sin(s); this takes an hour. When a sinner is hit with a bullet that has their name and sin inscribed on it, they suffer double damage. These bullets can kill creatures that normally don't die to mundane means (your demons, spirits, undead, etc.).

You can have [templates] × 2 inscribed bullets at any given time.

If you need some example sins, use the original seven: Gula, Luxuria, Avaritia, Acedia, Ira, Invidia, and Superbia.

(C) Arbiter
If a conflict has broken out, armed or otherwise, you can fire your gun into the air, and the immediate violence will stop. You can bring the leaders (or participants, if there are no direct leaders) of the conflict's sides together, and they will remain nonviolent as you are there, gun in hand. 

The GM secretly rolls 1d4 × 15 minutes; this is how long you have to work out a peace deal. After the time is up, tempers (among both the leaders and rank-and-file) will run high and the conflict will resume.

While these negotiations are ongoing, you have advantage on social checks to stop the violence and resolve things peacefully. If anyone resumes the violence before the time has run out, you go first in combat, no initiative roll required.

If your gun leaves your hand, negotiations break down and violence will immediately resume.

(C) Confessor's Gaze
If you believe a person to be a sinner—and you really mean it—but don't have proof, you can stare them down. If you spend one minute making unbroken eye contact with them, they have to make a save (probably CHA).

On a success, they tremble in fear and uncertainty, and will make as fast an exit as possible. On a failure, they fall to their knees and begin confessing their secrets to you, regardless of whoever's around them. 

If this is an innocent person, this will damage your reputation as a holy person significantly.

If you're on an elevated position (like a pulpit, rooftop, or mountainside), you can do this to an entire crowd at once.

(D) Anointing Ritual
You can ritually anoint your gun. This ritual takes six hours, and requires the following things:
  • Your gun
  • An inscribed bullet
  • A circle of salt
  • Anointing oil, enough for your gun, hands, and head
  • The bones of a saint
  • A complete chapter of the Book, memorized
  • The light of the full moon, or the dark of no moon
After being ritually anointed, if the first shot fired from your gun is the inscribed bullet hitting its target, that target instantly dies. If you fire a shot before then, or if you miss, or if you reach a full moon or no moon without firing, the ritual's power is lost. 

(D) Wrestle with G_d
Sometimes, when you travel alone, you will encounter someone will try to physically fight you, with kicks or punches or tackles. This person may be G_d; you will never be able to tell. 

If you beat one of these people in physical combat, without using your gun or any others weapons, they will truthfully answer any one question you have.

Holy Books
These are just twelve of the Holy Books contained within the Book itself. Included with each is a sample verse.
  1. The Book of St. Uriathas. "Uriathas cried out, for his three daughters lay dead around him. After one hour had passed and Uriathas yet wept, G_d sent the ghosts of his daughters to comfort him in the time of his mourning. Upon seeing them, Uriathas wept all the more, for he felt as though his life had lost its purpose."
        --Uriathas 6:4–6
    When you kill a sinner, you learn one memory of theirs relating to the sin you killed them for.
  2. The Book of Exhortations. "Do not suffer the liars and charlatans in your towns. When you encounter a liar, take his tongue from his mouth and nail it to his left hand."
        --Exhortations 11:2
    You know a lie when you hear it.
  3. The Epistle to the Brevant. "If a friend comes to your door in the darkest hour of night begging for food and water, do you turn them away? No! You open your door and feed your friend. This is how you should treat all those who come to you, no matter their cloth."
        --Brevant 10:24
    Once per 1d6 days, you can bless a meal to feed ten times the number of people it should.
  4. The Book of Belisaria. "And Belisaria touched the leper with her second and fifth fingers, and the leprosy was removed from his body. At that same moment, his eyes burst with flame, and his palms became like a furnace, and all the crowd around him ran with fear."
        --Belisaria 20:16–17
    When you heal (from magic or rest), heal [templates] extra HP.
  5. The Book of St. Khoresh. "'Speak not unto me!' he said with a loud voice. And as he did so, the roof of the house they were in began to quake and tremble, and all the multitudes wailed, for they thought they would surely perish. "
        --Khoresh 1:15
    When you need to, your voice can carry over nearly any distance; when you speak to a crowd, they all understand you, even if they don't speak your language.
  6. The Books of 1st & 2nd Archons. "Trust in G_d. Do this, and you shall know peace, and all that you need shall be provided unto you."
        --2 Archons 31:19
    If you have no more bullets and you desperately need one, there will be a single bullet in the chamber.
  7. The Litany of Calaginosus. "'Woe unto the plague-bringers!' shouted Calaginosus. 'Woe unto the dwellers in our Mother's Hall! Woe unto all who defy the Prophets!'"
        --Lit. Calaginosus 4:4
    When you blow someone's brains out, any opponents within earshot must immediately make a Morale check, suffering -2 to the 2d6 roll (or appropriate). 
  8. The Book of St. Dunstan. "Remain ever vigilant and ever watching. Do not trust those who come to your house with smiles and delights, for they hide serpents in their robes."
        --Dunstan 8:12
    You cannot be surprised in combat.
  9. The Hymn of Karnassa. "Ash and oak, elm and fir, yew and alder. See all the bounty of the world that our divine G_d has given unto us? How can Hell stand against the might of Heaven and Earth?"
        --H. of Karnassa 2:33
    You gain +2 to saves against fear and mind control.
  10. The Book of the Cataclysm. "When the storms of G_d come, and fire and ice rain from the sky, then you shall know the words of the Prophets as true."
        --Cataclysm 25:18
    So long as you have your priest's collar on, you have advantage against the effects of very cold and very hot weather.
  11. The 1st & 2nd Epistle to the Synniots. "Hear me, Theophiloi, when I speak these words unto you: 'The works of G_d may seem impossible to you, but they are not. Through iron faith, all things may yet come to pass.' And the Synniots rejoiced upon reading these words, for their star had not yet abated."
        --1 Synniots 14:8–9
    Once every 1d10 days, you can re-roll a single d20 roll.
  12. The Book of St. Yrsa. "Do not dwell in darkness, but embrace the light of truth. Fear neither sun nor fire, but welcome both into your hearts."
        --Yrsa 7:21
    After firing your gun, light hangs from where the muzzle flashed for 1 hour.

I think that's everything. This is kind of a mammoth class, sorry for that. 

Some touchstones: Dogs in the Vineyard, Joseph Seed, Dr. Jackson Crawford, Jesse Custer. 

As always, mostly untested. Let me know what you think.

Thursday, August 27, 2020

GLOG Class: Sword-Swallower

Another weird class for another weird day.

GLOG Class: the Sword-Swallower

A: Steel Rations, Nature's Scabbard
B: Sword Spitting, Vise Jaw
C: Internal Identification, For Breakfast
D: Flexible Esophagus. Stomach Forge

Starting skills [1d3]: 1 = Circus Freak; 2 = Infernal Tapeworm; 3 = Mind-Over-Metal Monk

Starting equipment: a greatsword, a longsword, a shortsword, a dagger, and an extra 1d20 silver pieces (from street performances).

You gain +1 to-hit with swords, and sword-related weapons, per template.

"Sword-related weapons" include more or less all edged weapons that have a hilt smaller than the blade: swords, knives, daggers, cutlasses, rapiers, and so on, but not axes, glaives, or shurikens. From here on out, any time a template perk mentions a sword, just assume it also says "and sword-related weapons."

(A) Steel Rations
You can eat swords as if they were food. One longsword is enough to sustain you for about a day.

(A) Nature's Scabbard
You can swallow one entire sword as an action, and keep it just beneath your gullet. While you have a sword swallowed, you can still walk, talk, eat, sleep, breathe, and otherwise function normally.

If anyone tries to snap your neck while you have a sword swallowed, like in the twisty-assassin way or through hanging, they won't be able to. While you have a sword swallowed, you set off metal detectors, and can be pulled with very strong magnets.

Later, as an action, you can draw the sword from your gullet. At any given time, you can only have [template] number of swords swallowed.

(B) Sword Spitting
As an attack (with a sword, remember your +1 to-hit bonuses), you can spit a sword you have swallowed at a target within 30 feet, or up to 60 feet if you take disadvantage on the attack roll.

(B) Vise Jaw
When you are attacked with a sword, you can make a save (probably STR or DEX, but figure out what fits in-context) to catch the sword in your teeth. This 1) causes the attack to miss and deal no damage, and 2) deprives the enemy of their sword, as you wrench it out of their hands.

(C) Internal Identification
If you have a magical sword swallowed for at least an hour, you learn all of its effects, curses, features, and other magic properties.

(C) For Breakfast
If you visibly swallow (or eat) a foe's sword in front of them, they must immediately make a Morale check. If their sword was particularly large, fancy, or important, they do so with disadvantage (or -2ish if you're on a 2d6 table, or whatever fits).

(D) Flexible Esophagus
You can now swallow and draw any item that has the same general size and shape as a sword. This includes (but isn't limited to): javelins, wands, large keys, rods, harpoons, ladles, and long strings of coins.

(D) Stomach Forge
When you have swallowed two or more magic swords for at least a day, you can use your stomach acids to combine their magic and fuse the blades together. When you next draw the sword, there is only one sword with the properties of both magic weapons.

For example, if you swallow a magic sword that gains +3 against undead and a magic sword that deals 1d6 fire damage, when you combine them, you will have a sword that deals 1d6 fire damage and gains +3 against undead.

Keeping any sword (magical or otherwise) swallowed for at least a day cleans it, sharpens it, and buffs out any notches or nicks.


As always, totally untested. Let me know how it goes.

This class is also gay, or at least bi. Can't be named what it is and not be, lmao.

Sunday, August 23, 2020

GLOG Class: Broken Bones McGee

I'm having a weird day, so I wrote a weird class.

c/w for gore, cannibalism, self-harm (but not in a depression-y way)

GLOG Class: Broken Bones McGee

A: Regeneration, HP is Meat
B: Autocannibalism, Osseobellius
C: Ooze Form, Carapace
D: Telekinetic Bones

Background [1d3] - 1: Blessed and/or cursed; 2: cancelled military "super soldier" experiment; 3: one-wish-recipient gone wrong

You are not trained in the use of any weapons or armor. You gain +3 HP per template.

(A) Regeneration
Your bones, organs, flesh, and other body parts will regenerate, at a rate of 1 HP per hour. If you reach 0HP, you don't die—instead, you go unconscious and start taking negative damage. There is no upper cap on the amount of negative damage you can take (so if somebody really beats you to a pulp, you might be out for quite a while).

You can only be killed by the following things:

  • Drowning / asphyxiation
  • Dissolving in acid or lava
  • Being stabbed in the heart with a blade forged of dragonbone (or stabbed in the heart by an actual dragon)
  • Having your body broken into at least 12 pieces, and then each piece being brought at least a mile from every other piece
  • Soul-related shenanigans; your killing words and ancient curses and all
While regenerating, the largest bone of your extant body starts to grow to replace lost sinew and internal organs and such, and all the other extant bones worm their way back to that chunk. As soon as you reach 1HP or higher, you regain consciousness. 

Your brain will always remain conscious the longest; body parts cannot operate if not connected to the brain. If your brain is destroyed but the rest of your body somehow isn't, you fall unconscious until it regenerates.

(A) HP is Meat
Every time you take any damage, roll 1d4 and add the damage taken (this chart is very general since it accounts for all damage types—get more specific based on the source of the damage):
  1. You have a large visible wound on your torso.
  2. You lose 1d4 fingers.
  3. You lose your nose.
  4. You lose an ear.
  5. One of your knees is non-functional.
  6. One of your elbows is non-functional.
  7. You lose an eye.
  8. You lose your tongue, or otherwise the ability to speak.
  9. You lose your scalp and hair.
  10. You lose a foot.
  11. You lose a hand.
  12. You lose a leg.
  13. You lose an arm.
  14. You lose your entire lower half, from the waist down.
  15. (or higher) You lose your head.
These results don't cause any additional damage, just unpleasantness. Ordinary adventures might treat HP more like grit or composure or luck, but for you, it's all just meat.

(B) Autocannibalism
You can suffer 1d6 damage (roll on HP is Meat to figure out what they're getting) to provide enough of your own human meat to feed one person. If it's something small, like an eyeball, assume that the horror of eating another, still-living human is enough to satiate whatever hunger pangs they might otherwise be suffering.

(B) Osseobellius
You know how to carve weapons from bone, and can wield bone-weapons made from your own bones.

You can deal 1d4 damage to yourself (roll on HP is Meat!) to remove some bit of bone from yourself, and then spend an hour carving it into a weapon. Alternatively, you can deal 1d8 damage to yourself (roll on HP is Meat!) to get a jagged or large piece of bone that can be used as a weapon immediately.

(C) Ooze Form
Even if your bones and muscle are broken, you can still control the associated body parts with as much vigor and finesse as if they were still intact. For example, your arm could be entirely flattened and broken in a dozen places, but you could still control it—but now it's bendy!

Naturally, this means that if you're willing to break lots and lots of bones, you can fit into (or out of) almost any given small space.

(C) Carapace 
You know to carve armor from bone, and can wear bone-armor made from your own bones.

Bone-armor, unlike regular armor, does not add to your AC. Instead, it adds extra HP; when you suffer damage to this extra HP, do not roll on HP is Meat.

You can deal 1d4 damage to yourself (roll on HP is Meat!) and then spend 1 hour carving to get 1 HP's worth of bonus-armor. 

(D) Telekinetic Bones
Body parts that have bones attached (so limbs, skulls, and ribs are good, but a tongue or kidney isn't) do not need to be connected to your brain to operate. You still control them, so they aren't truly independent, and bear in mind that a severed hand can't see, but otherwise your bits are free to roam. 

When you go unconscious, they'll worm their way back to the biggest bone, as normal. 


Like I said, I'm having a weird day. Don't try to multiclass.